Scarf Charmer

For W L-W

The woman who would insist on wearing a live rattlesnake as a scarf led an unharmed life. People always gave up their seat for her on the bus, the taxi rank was a deserted place in the consciousness of her universe and only men who were really serious even considered asking for her mobile number. Hollywood was planning a film based on a plane journey which she had taken between Birmingham and Glasgow, called “Snake on a Short Domestic Flight”.

            The woman who would insist on wearing a live rattlesnake as a scarf unconsciously hummed “Come On, Eileen” incessantly. Unconsciously humming “Come On, Eileen” incessantly caused the docility within the snake which was necessary for the woman’s survival. It needed pointing out. You were wondering how. Admit it. I know I was.

            The woman who would insist on wearing a live rattlesnake as a scarf had, at various stages in her life, been the baby who would insist on using her father’s shoulder as a pillow, the toddler who would insist on believing that a cocker spaniel was a walking frame, the girl who would insist on treating a copy of “Wuthering Heights” as a best friend and the teenager who would insist on flaunting her looks as a sure-fire method of breaking vulnerable boys’ aching hearts.

            The woman who would insist on wearing a live rattlesnake as a scarf was not symbolic of anything, as she was, in fact, real.

            Almost.