Chords

Scientists traced all of the sadness in the world back to this: the use of the E minor chord.

            E minor chords were banned from new pieces of music.

            People were still sad, even though James Blunt had been fired by his record company for knowing only one chord: E minor.

            People still being sad didn’t surprise scientists, because they knew.

            All pieces of popular music which contained the E minor chord were ritually slaughtered on prime time television.

            People were still sad, especially David Gray, whom nobody had heard of anymore. He was especially sad because all of his songs contained E minor, even the ones that didn’t. He began retraining as a set of traffic lights.

            The scientists continued not to be surprised for the same reason as before.

            All of the remaining pieces of music which contained E minor chords were rounded up and burnt, and the very phrase “E minor chord” was banished in all its forms. Every last trace of the E minor chord was expunged.

            People were still sad. But this didn’t exercise the scientists, for they had just discovered a new and far more exciting truth: if you chop a live frog in half, it doesn’t like it much. “Maybe it was A minor,” explained the Chair of the Royal Society, “or G.”