We all need to confuse our enemies from time to time, even if we don’t actually need to. With that in mind, this.
1 Speak to him in Welsh (unless she’s Japanese).
2 Give him a piece of paper with PTO only written on one side.
3 When they ask you how you are, reply, “Not often; well, not recently, anyway.” Laugh naturalistically (if there is such a word, which there is).
4 Start a conversation thus: “I was watching Top Gear and I totally disagree with what Jeremy Clarkson said about Moroccan black.” Leave the room if they start to talk.
5 Insist on calling them ‘Peter’ (unless they are called ‘Peter’). It worked for Jesus.
Follow these steps several times a day.