Thursday, 28 July 2011

Extracts from "The Oxford Panda Dictionary"

pandacea – noun, a solution or remedy for all panda-related difficulties or diseases, “…the time-honoured pandacea – hide in a vat of Irn-Bru…”

pandanol – noun, trademark for panda paracetemol.

Pandama – an undiscovered country in Central America, pop: 7 (est. 2009); official language, Panda semaphore; capital, Pandama City.

panda-Merican – adjective, relating to, representing, or involving all of the native pandas in the North and South Americas (approx. 2.7).

pandatella – noun, a long thin cigar, erroneously eaten by pandas when it’s dark and they think it’s a bit of discarded bamboo.

Pandacake Day – noun, Shove Tuesday, when panda shaped pancakes are traditionally flung in the air, dropped on the floor and ignored.

panda – 1. verb, (of a panda; see 2.) gratify or indulge; 2. noun, fire-breathing bear, often expert at stop-frame animation martial arts.

panda car – noun, a small police patrol car, driven by a polar bear (hang on, can we check that? – Ed.)

pandamic – adjective, (of a disease; panda-related) viral infection, often on a social networking site.

pandamonium – noun, wild and noisy disorder or confusion, uproar, upon discovering that you’ve run out of fire-extinguishers and there’s a panda on the loose.

pandagyric – noun, (of a der ficko irriot) public speech in praise of pandas.

pandic attack – noun, sudden overwhelming feeling of acute and disabling anxiety about pandas (and their wives).

pandajandrum – noun, a person who has, or claims to have a great deal of authority or influence in the global panda community (population: 12, no, hang on, 11).

panda cotta – noun (what another one?!), a cold, Italian dessert made with double cream, syrup and bamboo shoots. Mmmm – yummy.

pandaloons – noun, (archaic; 17th Century) camouflaged pink trousers formerly worn by pandas to make them look cuter than they actually are.

pandamime – noun, theatrical “entertainment” mainly for children (but also for der ficko irriots) which involves music, topical jokes, slapstick humour and pandas in drag (but how can you tell? – Ed.)

panzer – noun, a unit of German armoured pandas.

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