Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Corruptions of the Opening to “Pride and Prejudice”




It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Unless he’s gay.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife, or a playboy lifestyle; but which one to choose? Oooh, that's a tough one...

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of sound investment advice.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a pre-nuptial agreement.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune will usually piss it away on drink, drugs and loose women.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune is a target for gold diggers, like Elizabeth Bennet.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune probably has a serious character flaw, personal hygiene issues or is hideously ugly; how else to explain the singlehood status?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Yeah, money first and then the wife; always that way round. Love can wait, but money? Well, you have to get your priorities in life right, haven’t you?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. The corollary of which is that skint men don’t need wives? Is that what’s being said here? Or maybe it’s this: girls, find a man with money. I mean, why else mention his fiscal position, hmmm?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune – and not merely a fairly good fortune or an average fortune or even a promising business which is too small to be called a fortune – but a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Discuss (450 words). My desk; Monday morning.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of no fortune is unlikely to be the hero of this book. Who wants to marry a pauper? God – you’d have to get a job as a domestic! Eurrgghhh! Work? No thanks!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single mum in possession of a good fortune is called JK Rowling.

It is a truth is stranger than fiction universally loathed acknowledged that a single cream man in possession of a firearm fortune favours the brave, must be in I want doesn’t get of a wifely duties, lie back and think of England; you’ll only have to do it once if you’re lucky.

2 comments:

  1. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, is the envy of all his married friends.

    ReplyDelete