Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Articles of the Convention of the Union of Sand and Spade Seaside Republics (USSSR)

Article 1

The Hierarchy

a)     No-one is in charge.

b)     The USSSR is a co-operative working for the common good and everyone is equal.

c)      People with holiday beards must exhort the workers to exceed their efforts, not by making propaganda speeches against the evil, villainous tyranny of the North Sea (although this is allowed) but by virtue of their digging efforts, for it is only through digging that true happiness and enlightenment for the oppressed proletariat may be found.

Article 2

The Five-Day Plan

a)     The happy and enlightened workers, who are happy and enlightened through the happiness and enlightenment that digging (trenches, holes and for sandy walls, etc.) brings, will increase the production of sand-dug sea defences along the coast of County Durham against the tyranny of the oppressor, in this case, The North Sea, by an unrealistic %.

b)     To create sea defences out of sand that will stand for a thousand years and more as a glorious and permanent testament to the workers’ superiority; or until The North Sea demolishes them, whichever comes sooner.

c)       Photographs will be taken.

Article 3

Health and Safety

a)     By order of the Health and Safety Comintern, coats will be taken to the beach in a back-pack where they will remain in a back-pack.

b)     By order of the Health and Safety Comintern, splashing, wading out into the water and getting sand absolutely everywhere must at all times be the prime consideration, until the workers arrive at the beach, where anything goes [see Article 1 a) ]

c)      By order of the Health and Safety Comintern, shoes, especially, must be kept dry. Until they get wet.

The Mission Statement of The USSSR

Build Walls! Dig vast, labyrinthine Trenches! Live to Work! Defeat the Tyranny of the North Sea! Victory will be Yours! Dig! Shout! Scream! Splash! Get wet! Sandy! and Cold! for one day… you will have to pretend to be a grown up.

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