The Unconventional Nonsense Ballad of Fanny Fish, Who Was Black (only not)

(but not Fishy Fanny, you um-whoopsy-naughty;

tsk! Honestly – some people!)

For JH

Oh! Swimmy, swirly, taily fish!

All splashy inna pondy-deep.

But what’s all this I see? Oh, dear –

An icy pond! Oh, waily-weep!

The fishies all get icy-death,

So fish and chips for lunch – Mmmmm, nice!

Though sob and sniff and boo and hoo!

But wait! Here’s John to smash ve ice.

He bash and bang and smash and crack,

All hitty-hit like crazy-head!

“No! Stop!” said wifey, Julia,

“Them fishies all get deaf and dead!”

Then Johnny Ice-Smash stopped, but not

Before two holes in ice so creaky,

He’d pierce-y pierced the pondy-lining,

So all the fish get dead from leaky!

But wait! Here come the cavalry,

With nets ‘n’ that to catch the fishies,

Who maybe not get et for tea,

Perhaps they won’t end up on dishies?

Hooray! And splendy! Fab ‘n’ ace,

The fish so warm, they’ll tan-tan-tanny!

“Hang on a sec!” seth Julia,

“My fav’rite fish ain’t here – where’s Fanny?!”

(sinister corduroys)

They searched for Fanny with a net,

They searched for Fanny, yes they did.

But sigh and sob and waily-woe!

Poor Fan was lost or dead or hid.

The Blackest Beaut from Joolziz pond,

That Fishy Fanny – where she be?

They search and search, but all a-vain,

For Fanny fish they could not see.

Oh, fishy Fanny! Fanny fish!

Please show your swishy-fishy tail!

‘Allo? What’s this? She’s here? But GREY?!!!!

Oh, great! Oh, fab! Oh, epic fail!

And so the fishies all were safe,

And did not end up in a tummy.

And ev’ryone was la-la smiles,

Espeshy Jules, the fishies’ Mummy.

Ve End.

By Fishguts McIrriot