A round-up this week’s most Festive Stories
Christmas under Attack from Penguins
An outraged church-goer today urged The Daily Mail to intensify its “Keep Christmas Safe!” campaign, which has now been going on forever, after it emerged that penguins had secretly been boycotting Midnight Mass. “I think it’s disgusting!” exclaimed the shrill-voiced woman. “Apparently these so-called penguins haven’t been regularly attending any Christian services for years.”
Funny Song about Jesus Is Used to Boost Show’s Profile
In a bid to boost the visibility of its sinking-ship chat show, “Jonathan Ross is Boring”, ITV Executives today banned a funny song about Jesus.
“Clearly something needed to be done to put this show in the public consciousness, and what better way than to record a funny song about Jesus and then ban it? It’s certainly worked.”
Cook Bernard Matthews
Animal Right-on Activists have legally challenged the naming of Christmas. Speaking outside the High Court in London, a scruffy looking oik remarked, “No-one knows what ‘Christmas’ means anymore, and only Catholics are aware of what the suffix ‘-mas’ means." Turkey Murder Month, as it may well be called next year if the activists have their way, is not expected to affect Turkey’s proposed entry into the EU, “as they tend to eat kebabs at Christmas time out there.”
Something to warm the cockerels. How lovely is that?