A Job for Life

After scan-reading the Now That’s What I Call  a Job For Life section in her local rag, Excommunicata Waterboard-Daydream had found a job which saw her identifying what everything in the universe was a metaphor for, and then writing each one down.

So far, she had identified that:

the sound of wind whistling through the trees on August 7^th, 1984, was a metaphor for irritable bowel syndrome; Ringo Starr’s beard was a metaphor for world peace; lumpy custard was a metaphor for emptiness; a carefully constructed origami swan was a metaphor for disappointing exam results; a difficult to unscrew lid, on an as yet unopened jar, was a metaphor for the passing of time; the white in a notebook which remains unwritten-on was a metaphor for futility; the first scratch on a new Fender Stratocaster was a metaphor for the second law of thermodynamics; an empty box was a metaphor for over-indulgence; the Royal Family was a metaphor for UFOs; the sun disappearing behind a cloud on any given Tuesday was a metaphor for transience; the sound of chickens trying to speak French was a metaphor for parliamentary democracy; the shape of an uncrashed wave was a metaphor for boredom; the unfairness of childhood was a metaphor for the insanity of kings; the orange on an autumnal leaf was a metaphor for the uncertainty behind indecision.