People Who Listen to Johnny Marr

for all of my brothers and sisters in Johnny Marr-ness

People who listen to Johnny Marr

while driving

are three times more likely to

cede right of way

acknowledge thanks

smile

wave

stay awake on tedious journeys

People who listen to Johnny Marr

while gardening

are seven times less likely to

be stung by a wasp

cut a worm in half

decapitate daffodils

ignore the hosepipe ban

kidnap the next-door-neighbour’s cat

 

People who listen to Johnny Marr

while planning the end of the world

are almost certain to

experience an epiphany during track 6

pick up a guitar

fail to work out the guitar part for track 6

forget what they were doing

establish lasting world peace instead