Tuesday, 23 August 2011

The Final Blog Entry

The first few people who comment on this blog entry (on Facebook or in the sparsely populated 'comments' section) will be shown the meaning of life and then elevated to the status of Sainthood within the Church of the Latter Day Saints of Kenneth "Chinook-Helicopter" Christ, where you will receive a special name (NB Names and sainthoods cannot be exchanged for cash).

As I opened up my fergusthepoet email box today to find a telegram hand-written (in orange crayon; life’s full of surprises) from the Queen, it dawned on me that this is the 100th Blog.
            So, to all my 14 “Followers” (I am, after all, trying to start a religion, for which I gather that 12 is the minimum – so thumbs up to that idea) – HAPPY BLOGDAY! And to the countless several others who sporadically or even religiously (to whom: you may want to join up just as soon as I’ve thought of an eye-catching symbol and a few Commandments) read this blog… thank you all for allowing these pages to grace your screen.
            My original plan had been to write 100 blogs, publish them as “The Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter Songbook, Vol. 1: The A-sides”, ascend to heaven in a winged Citroen C1 and then return when all the complicated business of establishing the Church of Kenneth Christ had been finished. The task completed, I would then return so that I could reveal “The Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter Songbook, Vol. 2: B-sides and Rarities” to a confused illiterate person, before ascending once again, this time on a Supermagic Celestial Jetski, piloted by Dipsomania Bonanza, in order to spend the rest of eternity listening to Johnny Marr explaining how he played the guitar part to “Suffer Little Children” while I knowingly stirred a cup of tea with a magic teaspoon.
            But now that I come to think of it, it’s a rather flawed plan, and besides, I can’t be arsed.

Blog 101 will therefore take place soon, despite its rather portentous title. Thus, although the title of this entry is "The Final Blog Entry" it is not, in fact, the final blog entry despite actually being "The Final Blog Entry". 


  1. You mean like a big sign that says CLOSING DOWN! LAST DAY OF SALE!! ALL STOCK MUST GO!!! then in very small letters 'for restocking'. I, for one, feel rather foolish and very cheated (or possibly very foolish and rather cheated). I rushed here especially with a very big bag, too. Well. So. Hmm. Ah. (sidles away in embarrassment, after quickly checking that I've spelt embarrassment right, because if I got that wrong it would be most embarrassing)

  2. Jane James - henceforth known as St Splendiferata of Clubland, Patron Saint of Exceptional Spectacles.

  3. Excuse me- I'm still hanging around here waiting to be shown the meaning of life....