Thursday, 16 June 2011

Editing History.

It was decided that history should be edited, so …

The Hundred Years War had taken three weeks.

Each Pope had only served for three days.

The First World War and the Second World War were put together to make the “Combined World War”, and Adolf Hitler was blamed for everything, “because it was simpler that way”.

Any book with the phrase “and this disagreement led to…” was banned.

As Russia was no longer communist, the October 1917 Revolution hadn’t happened, and so neither had the following eighty-three years.

The Kings and Queens of England were amalgamated to make Quing Thiefscoundrel the Great.

The Greeks and the Romans became inter-changeable.

The space race had been won by Usain Bolt in 9.3 seconds.

Any year which was a multiple of thirteen was abolished.

All future potentially historical events were only allowed to last three hours.

This freed up the required amount of time needed to watch the telly and to avoid thinking about ‘shit that had happened’.

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