Doggerils

I fumbled ’umbly as an clod,

What floaty high-pitched vowels and pills,

When, “What’s all this?” I seen a sod

Of moist and mouldy crocodils.

Beneath a cake, behind a cheese,

Stuttering and mincing: “Atchoo! Sneeze!”

Combobulous as a tarty whine

All winky on a slimy clay,

They string ‘em up for speeding fine

Without a single hip-hooray!

Then naughties stolen all from France,

Doing funky-chicken dance.

My gravy slipped a disc; but hey!

What’s this? They’re parking cars at sea;

A poncy ponce from Haringey,

Insulting little bumble-bee:

Unfazed and fazed, I bottle sought

And then I drank the booze I bought.

Far out, anon, my poochy spy:

Invalid, bored, expensive, rude,

It trashed anon the tinpot – why?

Slipped on a tissue in the nude;

And then my flippy-floppy pills,

Did make me eat them daffodils

by Reallyam Worthless