Sunday, 10 April 2011


Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter hired a private detective to find the teaspoons which had disappeared from the drawers in his kitchen. All the detective found was an old headache past its sell-by date, an abandoned mine-shaft and the meaning of life.
            Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter didn’t want any of these things; he wanted to know the whereabouts of his teaspoons.
            He consulted a psychic, who told him that he had a scar on his left knee, that he was outwardly confident yet inwardly rather shy and that a dead relative, whose name began with a J, or maybe a K, wanted him to have the ring after all.
            None of these things were of any importance to Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter, whose concerns began and ended with teaspoons.
            Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter took himself off, by way of a number 39 bus, to the nearest police-station to file a missing teaspoons report. Whilst there, he was accidentally pushed down a flight of non-existent stairs, charged with gross misconduct with a trouser press and asked to leave with a bag over his head.
            Nobody ever discovered that Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter’s teaspoons had been donated by his estranged girlfriend to Uri Geller’s orphanage for teaspoons, revenge on her part for discovering that Kenneth Chinook-Helicopter had secretly been harbouring a desire to marry his garden fence.

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