If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It

Cantaloupe Melon was new to the world of motivational lectures. She hadn’t realized that she could do something simply because she had dreamt it. There were words bouncing around the inside of Cantaloupe Melon’s head. The words bouncing around inside Cantaloupe Melon’s head were: “If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It: All you need is a dream.”

            Cantaloupe Melon was disappointed by this. Cantaloupe Melon didn’t have a dream and if she didn’t have a dream, how could she do anything?

            At 3.45 a.m., Cantaloupe Melon was woken by a bladderful of toxins from last night’s Chateauneuf du Pape. The bladderful of toxins had woken Cantaloupe during REM. Cantaloupe realized the significance of this: she now had a dream, and if she could dream it, she could do it.

            Cantaloupe Melon had a dream. The dream was this: juggling knives on the prime-time tv-show, “Britain’s, Like, So Totally Talented!” to the dulcet tones of Eva Cassidy’s acoustic interpretation of John Lennon’s “Imagine”, sung by Smurfs.

            Armed with a dream, an Eva Cassidy tribute CD sung by Smurfs and a set of lethal kitchen knives of assorted sizes from Asda, Cantaloupe Melon attended the audition for the prime-time tv-show, “Britain’s, Like, So Totally Talented!”

            In her pre-audition interview, Cantaloupe Melon explained how she had a dream, and how today was the day to live her dream. Cantaloupe Melon explained to the nation, “If You Can Dream It, You can Do It! All you need is a dream!”

            Cantaloupe Melon entered the stage, and fifteen million living rooms, to the contemplative tones of Eva Cassidy’s acoustic interpretation of John Lennon’s “Imagine”, sung by Smurfs. She started juggling her set of lethal kitchen knives of assorted sizes from Asda. The audience response was ecstatic. Never before had they seen someone juggle a set of lethal kitchen knives of assorted sizes from Asda to the contemplative tones of Eva Cassidy’s acoustic interpretation of John Lennon’s “Imagine”, sung by Smurfs, so expertly.

            Cantaloupe Melon was ecstatic: it was true; all you needed was a dream!

            The judges thought that her act was, “Like, so yesterday.” The audience booed, like parents at an under-10 football game. The judges explained that if you wanted to make it large on “Britain’s, Like, So Totally Talented!” you had to think outside of the box and push the envelope by juggling with something really radical, like elephant’s vaginas or people with a variety of speech impediments, not simply a set of lethal kitchen knives of assorted sizes from Asda.

            Cantaloupe Melon disagreed. The audience disagreed.

            “You haven’t seen my encore, yet!” she yelled and threw a lethal knife at the face of one of the gurning panellists. The audience were ecstatic and the other two panellists voted her through to the final, which, inevitably, was won by a circus troupe who juggled with beavers.