The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom

Edward Smith (crazy name, crazy guy) was reading a book. The book which Edward Smith (crazy name, crazy guy) was reading was this: “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom”.

            “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” was a small book. On each page was a sentence. Each sentence in “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” contained wisdom. Edward Smith (crazy name, crazy guy) knew that each sentence in “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” contained wisdom because that was self-evident; he did not need it pointed out with the words “The sentence on this page contains wisdom” written on every page.

            Everyone who had bought “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” knew that they could become wiser by reading “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom.”

            The Editors of “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” were not interested in providing people with wisdom. They were interested in selling books.

            The Editors of “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” had spent one Tuesday afternoon with The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, a bottle of Jack Daniels and two-hundred duty free Gauloises Blondes.

            The Editors of “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom”, not being au fait with the basic principle of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, had tried to think of some wise people before looking up their quotes. The wise people they thought of were:

·         Elton John

·         Doctor Who

·         John Noakes

·         Mariah Carey

·         The Pope

·         Morpheus (from The Matrix)

·         King George (the one with the stammer)

·         Deepak Chopra

·         Joey from Friends

·         Richard and Judy

·         Des O’Connor

·         Princess Diana

·         Spock

·         Ghandi

·         Shakespeare

·         The Fonz

·         Simon Cowell

·         Kylie Minogue

·         Maggie Thatcher

·         John Lennon

·         Jamie Oliver

·         Tink-Winky

·         and, as an afterthought, Einstein.

            The wise people listed by The Editors of “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” were, largely, not in The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. 

            They Googled “Elton John wise quote”. Google came up with an Elton John wise quote. The Elton John wise quote which Google came up with was this: Saturday night's alright for fighting.

             This led to a discussion. The discussion led to a fight, which one of the Editors pointed out was not alright because it was not Saturday night; it was a Tuesday afternoon. The Editors of “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom” decided to amend the Elton John wise quote to: Tuesday afternoon is not alright for fighting.

            This was the first of many amendments which ended up in “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom”.

            Edward Smith (crazy name, crazy guy) read “The Book Which Will Provide You with Wisdom”. Edward Smith (crazy name, crazy guy) became wise.

            The favourite quotes of Edward Smith (crazy name, crazy guy, wise guy) were: Life is a bowl of nuts (Deepak Chopra), Pass the remote (Joey from Friends) and Mozart is more important than syphilis (Einstein).