Lawnmowers

The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other had decided that lawnmowers should rule the country. The reason why The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other had decided that lawnmowers should rule the country was this: they had noticed that lawnmowers were morally superior to politicians.

            Having noticed that lawnmowers were morally superior to politicians, the people of The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other had collectively put up for election one lawnmower in each of the six-hundred-and-fifty Parliamentary constituencies.

            The Constitution of The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other did not prohibit the putting up of a lawnmower for election as a Member of Parliament.

            The Constitution of The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other did not prohibit anything.

            The Constitution of The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other did not exist.

            The United Kingdom of Countries Which Hated Each Other now had six-hundred-and-fifty MPs, all of whom were lawnmowers.

            The lawnmowers did not raise taxes. The lawnmowers did not fiddle their expenses. The lawnmowers did not take the country to war on a semi-regular basis. Or any basis. They made no cuts to public services. The lawnmowers were not impressed by casually stupid yet undeniably photogenic American Presidents. The lawnmowers were not divided on Europe. They simply ignored it.

            The lawnmowers let people get on with their lives. Letting people get on with their lives was sometimes good. Letting people get on with their lives was sometimes bad.

            The lawnmowers showed that politicians were unnecessary, and when they failed to call a General Election, no-one complained.