Scones

Note: Someone said "Write a Blog". I said, "No-one would read it." Someone said, "I would." I opened a Blog account. I placed this pieces of writing in it then ran away. I returned a couple of months later and started blogging proper ("Well that's debatable," said a voice). This piece is atypical and doesn't fit in at all with the rest of the Blog. That's why it's staying.

How to make Farley’s rusks lookalike scones:

1 First follow your bog-standard recipe for scones – the one that’s in your head.

2 Make sure that you add nearly half a pint of milk, realising a fraction too late that you mixed up “half” with “quarter”.

3 Compensate for this by wacking in loads of extra flour. Swear whilst doing so.

4 Pause for a second and then ask yourself, “Will this rise?” and, in the spirit of hope and exploration, add an extra teaspoon (ish) of baking powder.

5 Mix together like mad as you wonder whether there’s a reason for sifting the flour in with the baking powder before adding the milk.

6 Roll onto a floured board, shape and put on baking tray.

7 Place in oven and set the timer for ten minutes.

8 When the timer beeps, look into the oven and exclaim, “Bloody hell! They look just like Farley’s rusks!” Investigate the reason for scone being Farley’s rusk brown instead of normal scone colour. Discover that the oven was set too hot, and you forgot to turn it down (too many things on your mind) before putting the ‘scones’ in.

9 Curse the person who invented the fan-assisted oven.

10 Carefully remove scones from the oven before suddenly dropping them all over the kitchen floor and simultaneously realising that oven gloves work better than a folded dish cloth.