There I was, happily
SHOUTING obscenities
at the benighted television,
in between mouthfuls of popcorn
and fistfuls of thoughtlessness,
when the television
retaliated by SHOUTING
at the benighted viewer.
We cannot calm our thoughts
with diesel generators,
I though, all faux profound,
when the sofa ordered me
to stop fidgeting like a squirrel.
‘Why squirrel?’ I asked
as the curtains exploded with a
raucous,
‘This is my favourite bit!’
which only showed a lunatic on the
screen –
a man with an Adam’s apple
bigger than my fist,
which, according to
comparethefist.com,
everyone’s favourite fist
comparison website,
is small by fist standards,
but mahoosive for an Adam’s apple
(according to comparetheAdamsapple.com).
In the midst of all this,
I half expected
the fireplace, hearth rug,
and lighting dimmer switch
to join in.
But, I thought,
now you’re just being,
you’re just being too…
you.
