Friday, 10 January 2014

Six Impossible Things before Breakfast

1 “Lean on Me” is a love song from a lamp-post to a bicycle.

2 “I’ve Got You Under My Sink” is the most downloaded song from the Cole Porter Songbook for Dyslexic Sociopaths.

3 Paul (now Sporl) McCartney wrote “Hey Jude!” for his then Jewish girlfriend, wot’serface (oh, come on; someone other than me has to find this joke funny eventually, for fuck’s sake).

4 When thinking of a stage-name, thingummyjig, who, as we all know, went on to find fame and embarrassment as Adam Ant, considered calling himself Percy Stent or Henry Lenting.

5 The surname of the girl made famous in the Duran Duran song “Rio” was not, ironically, de Janeiro; no, it was Tact. She later married Jim Kerr.

6 Mick (now Smick) Jagger is a fake. The real Smick Jagger has been sitting in the House of Lords since 1961. Everything about the fake Smick Jagger is fake, apart from – and you will laugh at this – his accent. That’s right, the only authentic thing about the fake Smick Jagger is his voice. And his knighthood, which he was awarded for servicing to women.

Next week: Six Unlikely Things at Bedtime

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