The Other Half is Figurative

Oh, where are you going, my petal,

   With such an original hat?

When I asked you to put on the kettle,

   I wasn’t envisaging that.

I know that you like to be daring,

   But people might openly laugh,

If you do so insist upon wearing,

   A kettle to go with your scarf.

Oh, where are you off to so late,

   Looking all hip and night-clubbish?

I didn’t mean go on a date,

   When I asked you to take out the rubbish.

I know that you like to snub fashion,

   But people might think that it’s rash,

To engage in a throwaway passion,

   With a bin-liner full of our trash.

Oh, why are you screaming, my poppet?

  By and large, you’re of much finer fettle.

Open your hand. And now drop it.

   Oh, my God – you were grasping a nettle?!     

Look, I know you’re a fool for precision,

   But it makes you take things the wrong way,

So in future please make the decision,

   To ignore half of all that I say.