Deliver Us From, Part One

Lord, deliver us from all evil,

and syntax,

and pedants with slightly above average sized egos,

and, while you’re at it,

deliver us from the bad guys,

and the bent cops,

and the scary people who are bigger than us

and who know how to fire a machine-gun accurately

while under pressure,

and deliver us from the past, the present, and the future,

but especially the first one

because that’s where all of our problems started,

and deliver us from all of the obvious things,

which barely need mentioning at all

(should I mention them anyway,

at least some of them,

just to give you an idea,

in case your widely reported omniscience

turns out to be wide of the mark?)

okay, so, also, deliver us from

TV, the internet, money, processed food, America,

the world and everything that’s in it,

including, above all else, ourselves.

That’ll do for starters.