Always Do What a Poet Asks You to Do

I’ve heard it said

that you should bear in mind an audience

when you write a poem.

I’ve never done this.

I did just recently read through

a really obscure poem of mine.

And there the audience are,

sitting several rows deep in my cerebellum,

each holding up a score-card,

but with words, not numbers:

‘Bored’, ‘Angry’, ‘Confused’, ‘WTF?!’, ‘Seriously?’, etc.,

which they show to each other

while shouting obscenities.

With a speed which even I find impressive,

they screw the words up,

and pelt the stage with them.

I replace this cantankerous rabble

with an audience of Ferguses.

‘I think I speak for all of us,’ says one,

‘when I say that you are the most Fergus poet

that we’ve ever encountered,’

and they erupt into spontaneous applause.