Tuesday, 21 February 2012


Evidence that parts of the Universe have gone missing has been stumbled upon by Professor Constantinos Carolingian-Miniscule. Professor Carolingian-Miniscule was carrying out research analysis on his recent study investigating the disappearance of polar bears, and how their disappearance was possibly related to the disappearance of polar ice-caps, polar knee-caps, polar co-ordinates, polaroid cameras, bi-polar disorder, and polar dancers.
            Professor Carolingian-Miniscule explained his discovery thus: “As I was searching through the many thousands of alarming photographs which show no polar bears, I began to notice that certain photographs suggested that the universe was vanishing before our very eyes. I had started to photograph the night sky in order to ascertain whether polar bears were hiding behind stars, when suddenly I noticed vast areas of black. I compared these areas of black with photographs of exactly the same area of sky taken the day before; sure enough, only a few hours previously there had been an aeroplane, several clouds and a small patch of blue.”
            The Professor’s controversial theory that polar bears have mainly been hiding in clouds has received widespread publicity and acceptance in certain sections of the scientific community.
            “This is a most alarming development,” he said. “It was bad enough that global warming was leading to the disappearance of polar bears as they hid in clouds and behind stars, but now we learn that modern life is directly leading to the disappearance of all matter in the universe; it’s enough to make you become a vegetarian.”
The Secretary of State for Climate Change, Global Warming and Self-Flagellating Post-Colonial Guilt, Mr Perjury-Perjury-Perjury, commented that he wouldn’t be at all surprised if Professor Carolingian-Miniscule’s discovery was proved to be correct. “Nothing which scientists say these days surprises me,” he said in answer to a question raised in the House of Commons by one of the cleaners.

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