Dear Father Christmas,
In keeping with An Age of Austerity (and Because I Am Lazy) this is a shorter list than usual, but nevertheless, please could you include the following in my stocking:
glamorous atheists calendar (2008);
a new conspiracy theory;
DIY arsonist kit;
a certain sense of smug self-satisfaction;
If it’s not too much to ask.
ps You do not exist and neither do I.