Friday, 25 January 2013

Why Do I Go to “Fat Fighters”?

“Because You’re Amazing!” Slimming World Slogan

Is it because I’m amazing?
Or is it because I associate the word “kitchen” with “grazing”,
And I tend to spend too much time lying around lazing
Whilst eating mountains of cake,
So that when I rise from my apathy, the walls shake,
The floorboards splinter,
And I’m about the size of a bear who’s ready to hibernate for winter?

No, it’s definitely because I’m amazing, or at least, because I have 
   an amazing appetite for food,
Which I generally consume so efficiently that it’s barely been viewed,
Let alone tasted or chewed,
Meaning that any satisfaction I gain is fleeting,
As a result of which I spend my whole life thinking about eating,
Thinking about cooking,
Or secretly scoffing when nobody’s looking.

Or maybe it’s because I’m no longer so dim
As to think that one morning I will wake up and find myself 
   magically slim,
As if somehow I’ve secretly spent several hours a day working out 
   at the gym,
Or dieted without actually knowing,
So I’m no longer the size of a Boeing,
Or possibly even The Titanic.
Or maybe I’m here because I got on the scales and the thought in my 
   head was “Panic!”

So, it seems I’m finally learning that there’s something wrong with 
   my assumption
That indiscriminate food consumption
Will lead to anything other than an unfortunate resumption
Of putting on weight.
But mainly, I’m here because it’s never too late,
(And, hopefully, because Bridget at Slimming World has an 
   amazing understanding
About how to stop my waist-line from being ever-expanding).

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