Board Games

Cats are not very good at taking turns,

and this is why they are very bad at board games

(well, one of the reasons).

Their method of dice-rolling is particularly eccentric.

‘I will only roll the dice if you put it on the edge of the table,

allowing me to bat it to the floor,

but I shall do this only two or three times,’ says the Cat.

Yes, she’ll do it only two or three times,

because cats have a very low boredom threshold;

and this is another reason why they are so very bad at board games.

Their ability to jump on a table

or to walk along a narrow fence,

while impressive,

are not transferrable skills which can be used to their advantage

when invading Kamchatka during a 3-day Risk marathon.

I could spend the rest of this day

analysing the many reasons

why the cat is such an incompetent opponent

in a game of Monopoly, or Cluedo,

or even Frustration.