Graveside Poem

for Lorraine

and in memory of our father, Christopher Niland (1940-1991)

I stood there

at my father’s grave

for the first time,

while the rain soaked my clothes.

The poem which I’d meant to write

before I had arrived

remained unwritten;

I’d found I didn’t have the words,

and so I stood there

at my father’s grave,

and listened.

My sister asked,

‘Do you need some time alone?’

I wasn’t ready,

so I put my arm across her shoulder

and we stood there

at our father’s grave,

together.

Chris spoke, and said,

‘This is the end of a very long journey,’

and after I’d asked to be alone

I felt some chasm close;

I felt a feeling

deeper than the grave

that lay before me.

Tears and rain became one,

and in the almost silence

the words I could not find

arrived and spoke their truth

I was lost to you