When auditioning for MasterChef

I prepared a starter of moustaches done three ways:

Hitler. Stalin. Porn.

For the main course, I prepared my signature dish:

Fergus McGonigal

written in milky veal blood on a rectangular plate; a salad of inedible flowers; and potatoes done 47 ways.

For pudding, a deconstructed novel.

Hay smoked foreword. Sous vide chapters. Blurb custard, spelling out the words:

I hope you’re happy now.