Saturday, 26 March 2016

Let’s All Be Ghastly Toffs

To the tune of the verse of ‘Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off!’


You say ‘toilet’ and I run screaming,
You say ‘pardon’ and I say, ‘It’s “what?” you pleb.’

Toilet, screaming,
Pardon, pleb.

Let’s all be ghastly toffs.


You say ‘patio’ and I say, ‘Or, as we call it in England, “terrace”
You say ‘settee’ and I mutter something about ‘even World of Sofas can get it right...’

Patio, terrace,
Settee, World of Sofas.

Let’s all be ghastly toffs.


You say lounge and I wince,
You say serviette and I apologise for laughing in your face.

Lounge, wince,
Serviette, laugh in your face

Let’s all be ghastly toffs.


You say ‘dinner’ and I say, ‘Really? At lunchtime? How daringly avant-garde!’
You say ‘sweet’ and I say, ‘Frankly, I just give up, I really do.’

Dinner, avant-garde,
Sweet, give up.

Let’s all be ghastly toffs!


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  2. I love this Fergus - it really reminds me of my brother who always corrects me when I say 'garridge' instead of 'gararrrrge'. Very Worcester apparently. But I don't say 'twalve o'clock' so my education wasn't entirely wasted! Katie

    1. You can't have a gararrrrge band. (Also, tell him it's pronounced 'Porrrarrrge', the next time he eats horse food for breakfast; the end spelling is not the same, but, you know - it should be/whatevs.'