Let’s All Be Ghastly Toffs

To the tune of the verse of ‘Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off!’

1

You say ‘toilet’ and I run screaming,

You say ‘pardon’ and I say, ‘It’s “what?” you pleb.’

Toilet, screaming,

Pardon, pleb.

Let’s all be ghastly toffs.

2

You say ‘patio’ and I say, ‘Or, as we call it in England, “terrace”’

You say ‘settee’ and I mutter something about ‘even World of Sofas can get it right...’

Patio, terrace,

Settee, World of Sofas.

Let’s all be ghastly toffs.

3

You say lounge and I wince,

You say serviette and I apologise for laughing in your face.

Lounge, wince,

Serviette, laugh in your face

Let’s all be ghastly toffs.

4

You say ‘dinner’ and I say, ‘Really? At lunchtime? How daringly avant-garde!’

You say ‘sweet’ and I say, ‘Frankly, I just give up, I really do.’

Dinner, avant-garde,

Sweet, give up.

Let’s all be ghastly toffs!