Tuesday 21 January 2020

Flying Etiquette

For maximum happiness
keep your seat-belt fastened
and try not to jump out of the window.
Do not stare at the carpet, 
unless you can avoid it,
for this makes the mice nervous.
Don't do this, don't do that,
avoid, steer clear of 'and all that stuff'.
'Nothing will come of nothing.' 
Try telling that to a universe.
Blue skies are not always an omen for happy days.
Do not drink your coffee from an upside-down cup
and remember to clap your hands when you are delighted,
like flying under the radar on a pub crawl.
You may wish to re-evaluate your life, 
in which case, please read carefully the 'safety on board' literature, written by Constance Carshow, 
who now has £40K of debt
from her creative writing degree.
No two teaspoons are the same. 
Everything comes from opposite ends of the universe.
People who say they put on weight
simply by looking at a cream bun
need to stop looking at pictures of cream buns.
'I only have to look at a salad
and I lose weight.'
There, problem solved.
Everything has to be paid for.
'There's no such thing as a free lunch.'
There's no such thing as a tesselated sunbeam.
Do some songs make you feel sick?
How did the band get through 
the recording sessions without
projectile vomiting all over the studio?
You cannot compel feelings.
The world is a tourist destination.
Not all blue skies are blue;
not all watches tell the time.

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