Everything from Here Will Only Get Worse

In a bid to be ‘the bad guy’,

the Democrats elect Gustavo Fring

to be their presidential candidate.

‘To Beat the Fascists, Use a Bad Guy!’

his campaign slogan reads, in seven languages

(English, Spanish, English, English, Spanish, English and Mexican).

‘Fake presidential candidate

at twenty-past eight!’ Republicans screech.

‘Fake President!’ the Democrats reply.

Gustavo Fring holds presidential rallies.

‘Lock me up!’ he jokes. ‘Lock you up! Lock you up!’

the delirious Democrats chant back.

‘Build a Wal-Mart!’ says Gustavo Fring.

‘Build a Wal-Mart! Build a Wal-Mart!’

the crowd of hyped-up voters shout.

Gustavo Fring runs TV ads in praise of President Trump.

‘My name is Vladimir Putin and I approve this ad,’

says the voice of Elvis at the end.

‘They’re trying to get the meth-head vote,’ says Trump.

‘And the Netflix vote. And the Breaking Bad vote.

The actor vote. The whatever vote. Sad.’

Spoiler alert: Walter White Kills Gustavo Fring again

and takes the Democratic nomination for himself.

‘Vote for me or I’ll stop cooking,’ he says.

‘Let’s smash the blue-glass ceiling!’ he growls,

and the audience of Democrat meth-heads erupt.

‘Smash It! Grind It! Snort It!’  becomes his campaign slogan.

Walter White and President Trump run neck-and-neck in polls.

Their presidential candidate debates are sullen and edgy.

Walter White takes a commanding poll lead.

‘Anyone but Trump, amiright?!’ the TV hosts squeal after the election.

America has acquired a taste for the bad guy, with Jesse as Veep,

and Walter White winning is what everyone always wanted anyway.