As a massive fan[1] of
James Bond[2], in 2016 I will be really looking forward to discovering who the next James Bond is going to
be[3].
With that in mind, here is my list of candidates for the
role:
1 Jason Statham. England’s finest actor[4]
since Lord Olivier.
2 Eddie Izzard, England’s finest transvestite since the Widow
Twankie.
3 Hermione Granger[5],
England’s finest snotty little brat.
4 Jeremy Corbyn[6],
England’s finest leader of the Labour Party who’s going to be out of a job
soon.
5 England’s finest up and coming actor who can say that his ‘interpretation
of Bond will be far more gritty, realistic and in keeping with Fleming’s
original character.’[7]
[1]
If by ‘massive fan’ here we mean ‘someone who couldn’t care less about, and who
hasn’t seen the films of...’
[2]
Forward-slash Peregrine Carruthers.
[3]
Six months after everyone else.
[4]
If by ‘actor’ here we mean ‘a man who can beat the shit out of everyone in the
room, even if they are armed with machine-guns, he is armed only with arms, and
they outnumber him at least eight-to-one.’
[5]
If by ‘Hermione Granger’ here we mean ‘Emma Watson’.
[6]
Who has been very quiet since the heady days of ‘Steptoe’.
[7]
If by ‘character’ here we mean ‘embarrassing anachronism’.
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