The Lawnmower Party Manifesto (Unfinished due to lack of)

The Economy

‘Nobody really understands economics’

·         Taxes – We’ll double taxes for people who talk about cars and rugby;

·         Deficit – We’ll reduce the deficit by making it smaller (like this – deficit);

·         Debt – We’ll send the debt into outer space;

·         Banks – All bankers to be sacked and re-employed as food bank volunteers, while all food bank volunteers are to be re-employed as bankers – the poor will have a fight on their hands but at least the banking system will be the envy of no-one.

Education

‘Education is what happens when you’ve completed your education’

·         Close down all schools and convert them to giant playrooms;

·         We’ll abolish tuition fees and replace them with Cafe Nero vouchers;

·         All faith schools to be turned into assault courses;

·         All English universities to be moved to Scotland.

Health

‘You’re alright so long as you have your health, and a few other things, obviously’

·         We’ll introduce a ban on the smoking ban;

·         We’ll hide the NHS underwater.

[This 'Manifesto' was supposed to go out before the Generally Depressing Election, but didn't, because it wasn't finished, due to reasons. I didn't realise that I had written it until I stumbled across it this morning. That happens when I peer into the folders of my computer.]