You’re not allowed to read The Daily Mail
or else you’ll be a Daily Mail Reader,
looked down upon by the smug, self-appointed
intelligentsia (Guardian Readers).
I wonder how these intellectuals
arrive at their conclusions, having never,
presumably, debased themselves enough
to read that wretched, tawdry little rag.
I read the Daily M to keep informed
about what all those Daily Mail Readers
think. I prefer to stick with poems, though;
they generally contain a bit more truth.